Friday, August 31, 2007

Dates and thoughts

I know that if I get pregnant this month (and please, God, let it be so!), I would be due in May. I love that because my birthday is in May. I love Emeralds, so my Mother's ring (or necklace or whatever) will have at least one stone in it I love.

I figured I'd play around with due dates and went to one of the websites that calculates it for you. Well, it calculates it based on your LMP, however I'm ovulating later this month than I normally do, so the date of conception is wrong. Based on the dates they gave me, I added the missing days to it (I'm Oing today) and came up with some interesting dates:

My EDD would be May 25, 2008. My birthday.

The end of my first trimester would be November 9, 2007. My dad's birthday.

I really need to get off of here and start cleaning, but I had to point that out. Even if it's only to myself.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

The Husband, he's funny

A while ago, he came home with a piece from the paper (the Dear Abby section, I have no clue why he was reading that particular section) about breastfeeding and said, "Thought you'd be interested in this." Kinda surprised me because it was tough to convince him, initially, of the benefits of exclusive breastfeeding. He really wanted to be able to feed the baby, but I showed him all the data and also told him that since I'd be solely in charge of feedings for the first year or so, we could make bath time "Daddy time". 100% bonding between Dad & baby, no interference from Mom.

Today he came home with two additional articles. Neither provided me with any new info, but was totally new for him. The first was about teaching infants sign language and he said, "Do you think we should do this?" I smiled and said, "We were going to."

The second article was about living diaper-free. He said, "I'm shocked you don't want to do this." I explained to him that I did, but with as difficult as the concept of cloth diapers was for him to handle, I figured being diaper-free would be too much for him to handle. I've learned to pick my battles and, even though I'd like to at least attempt it, I don't feel so passionate about this that I would fight for it like I do about exclusive bfing, not circing and selective vaccination. He shrugged and said, "Well, it sounds interesting." Coming from Husband, that's darn near a ringng endorsement!

I gotta say, I *heart* the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette for these articles. I think the husband may be becoming crunchy :-D

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Lines excite me

Even the ones on the OPKs. Even when the test line is veeery, veeery faint which means it's negative.

I can't exactly explain how I feel about positive HPTs since... well... I haven't experienced that yet, but getting a positive OPK makes me downright giddy.

First of all, I am happy because I know my body is doing something right. I'm having some serious body issues right now (after a lifetime of hating my body, losing weight made me like and appreciate it for the first time. Not getting pregnant within the first three cycles is making me dislike my body again), so any consolation that it is doing something right is a good thing. Secondly, I know I have the hope of pregnancy, knowing we've timed our BD right, knowing I've followed all the leads my body has given me.

And the veeery, veeery faint test line on the OPK makes me happy because I know my body pretty well by now and I know that signals ovulation right around the corner. My OPKs stay stark white until about 1-2 days before I ovulate, so that beginning of a line that I need to use a microscope and special lighting to see is my signal to listen even more carefully to my body and follow all of it's commands.

This month, so far, looks like a very good month stress wise. Husband and I's getaway last night was the most relaxed I have been for a long, long time. In addition the exceptionally sweet, edifying things he said to me helped calm and soothe me.

Here goes!

Friday, August 24, 2007

Anniversaries, temperatures and cramping, oh my!

Tomorrow is Husband and I's sixth wedding anniversary. I wrote a huge bit about it on my MySpace page, and will probably post something more in detail on here tomorrow or Sunday, but right now I just want to make that announcement. After last year, I am surprised, proud and thankful we are celebrating our sixth anniversary and truly celebrating this year.

As for the rest of it, my temps have begun to get slightly erratic and, although my OPKs have consistantly been negative, I've had some odd cramping on my left side. It's very early for me to O, but I am taking Vitex this cy, so who knows what that's doing to my body.

I am praying intensely for this cycle. My brother's visit has been rescheduled to the end of Sept/beginning of Oct so I have another chance to tell them, in person, that I am pregnant. I would find out about the pregnancy, roughly, around Grandparent's Day, which would be a great way to announce it to my mom and Husband's parents. Also, the baby would be due in May, my birth month.

There is so much right about this, I can't stand to think of it going wrong.

And as corny as it sounds, I think I am falling in love with a person that hasn't been conceived yet. I know that's not truly possible, but I am falling in love with the hope of the person that may be to come. If that makes any sense at all, then it needs no further explanation. If it makes no sense at all, I don't think I can accurately describe it to you.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Anyone have a Band-Aid for my tongue?

At the current rate I'm going, I'll need it from biting it so much.

I love my little Peanut. He's such a sweet, pleasant little boy and, best of all, he loves to cuddle with Auntie Krissy. The other day the three of us (him, me and his mother) were at Olive Garden for lunch when he began to get fussy. I told his mom to stay put and enjoy her meal while I took care of him. I picked him up and he just cuddled right into me. We sat for fifteen minutes just cuddling. I adore those moments with him because I know in a few months he will want to crawl and explore rather than cuddle.

But the reason for the tongue biting is his mother. While we were shopping for Peanut's christening outfit, the topic of godparents came up. Now, Peanut's dad is Catholic, his mom is Presbyterian, they want him to be christened in both churches so he can make a choice about what religion he wants to be a part of when he grows up.

Obviously, in the Catholic church, he has to have Catholic godparents. I asked if they were going to have the same godparents for his Presbyterian christening, she said no.

Perhaps it was forward of me, but I assumed Husband and I would be the natural choice for godparents if religion were not an issue. We have seen Peanut at least 4 or 5 times a month since he was born, we saw him when he was five days old, we were his first baby-sitters and even his parents have commented on how happy Peanut is when I am with him, holding him and playing with him. All this, in addition to the fact Husband and BIL are such close, inseparable friends, they refer to one another as brother rather than friend (Husband even calls BIL's mom his other mom) would translate to godparent status to me, right?


SIL informed me that they have chosen friends who have seen Peanut a total of two times in his entire five months on this earth, who live five hours away and who have known BIL & SIL a lot less time than Husband and I have.

All that is to say, I understand it's the parent's choice to pick whoever they want to be their child's godparents, I'm not faulting them for that, I'm just saying I am very hurt it wasn't me. And by the sounds of their comments, we weren't even considered for that position.

Perhaps it's the emotions of TTC. Perhaps I am overly emotional because of the supplements, but I have spent a lot of time crying over the fact they are asking someone else to be his godparents.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

A reason for defeat

Okay, so I'm a great one for rationalizing things. Rationalizing anything, really (which gives me a great excuse for POAS at a mere 9dpo).

The more I've been contemplating this last cycle, the more I've found a reason to be thankful it failed. As I've mentioned before, this is my fifth cycle, so that means I've had four previous, unsuccessful cycles. With that bit of information in mind, peruse the following quote from a website:

Another word for folic acid is folate. It's a vitamin in the B-class. It's suggested to take 400-800 mcg of folic acid starting three to four months before conception to decrease the risk of fetal malformations. There is a more than 50% reduction of many fetal malformations if the mother takes folic acid during the first two to three months. Taking folic acid has no effect on your fertility.

So there is a great reason to have not gotten a BFP until now. I've actually taken folic acid for the past four years, but I've taken it on a consistant basis for only the past four months. Yay for me.

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Lack of Recognition

Sometimes, I find I don't recognize myself anymore.

I've become obsessed with trying to have a child. I don't mean it in the cutesy sense, I mean it in the very literal, I need a medical diagnosis kind of obsessed. I feel like there is a huge piece of the puzzle of Krissy that is missing, the "Mother" piece. However, in the search for that piece, I've lost another piece of me: my sanity.

My time online is mostly spent searching for more natural supplements to aide in fertility for both dh and myself. I went shopping today and walked out of the mall with a diaper bag (in my defense, it was adorable and only five bucks). When I went to yard sales last week, I specifically went looking for baby clothes.

I think I have a little bit more than just a case of baby fever. And I need to get a grip on it, quickly.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Can it really be that long already?

Today while I was picking up my new glasses, I stopped at Vitamin World and picked up some Vitex. I'm excited to start it and it's really made me more optimistic about this cycle. I don't know why something so simple has me so happy, but whatever keeps me out of the pit that I easily fall in to following a failed cycle is a good thing.

After I came home with my newly acquired Vitex, I decided to chronicle what supplements I've used on my TTC journey, cycle by cycle, on my FF chart homepage. It was then that I realized just how long we've been TTC

Cycle #1 (5/2/07): Prenatal Vitamins, B Complex
Cycle #2 (5/29/07): Prenatal Vitamins, B Complex
Cycle #3 (6/23/07): Prenatal Vitamins, B Complex, OPKs
Cycle #4 (7/19/07): Prenatal Vitamins, B Complex, Royal Jelly, OPKs
Cycle #5 (8/15/07): Prenatal Vitamins, B Complex, Royal Jelly, Vitex, OPKs

Yep, this is my fifth cycle. Color me shocked.

I've officially decided I've been TTC for long enough, I'd like my BFP now, please.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Something good

I'm trying to concentrate on taking some bit of "good" away from each cycle, no matter what the ending of it may be, happy or sad.

This cycle is ending sadly. I saw multiple stark white BFNs this cycle, despite the symptoms that made me so hopeful. I'm finding myself desperately wanting to cry. I feel that deep need to sit down and have a nice long crying jag.

However, I can see something good that came from this cycle. My temps were higher throughout the entire cycle and my LP temps were much more consistent. Last month they were very erratic. Consistency is helpful when TTC, so I am happy about this.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

No updates, really

Have tested thrice, same response. Obviously an unfavorable one.


I am only 11dpo. I am testing too early. I am obsessed.

One reason I tested so early: I want to announce the pregnancy to dh in one specific way which requires him to leave the house before me, preferrably when I am still in bed. That won't happen again until Thursday, so I was trying to find out this weekend.

I also have fairly short LPs (around twelve days, which spotting that begins at 11dpo), so I thought that the test would work for me, even though it's so early.

I bought a three pack of tests, used them all. Today, after church, I had to run to the grocery store for some ingredients for dinner and also for my lunch stuff for next week. It was inevitable that I buy a test (even though I dislike buying tests at this particular store because they are so pricey).

Now, to muster the patience to NOT test until later in the week...

Thursday, August 9, 2007

Playing the name game

Husband and I have had a difficult time agreeing on baby names. Well, boy's names to be exact. We had agreed on two girls' names, complete with middle names, but we have so many friends with children of the same names, we changed our minds. Now, we have one girl's name, first and middle, but are still having a raging boy's name battle.

Husband is Italian. He wants our son to have a very Italian name. He has suggested Rocco. Yes, I am serious.

The other night we were watching TV together and an Italian couple was on with their four children, all with very Italian names.

Krissy: "I like the name Gianni"

Husband: "Ew"

Krissy: "Well, do you have a better suggestion?"

Husband: "Marcello" big cheesy grin

Krissy: "Here we go again"

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

I'm pregnant

Online Pregnancy Test

Krissy, you're going to be the proud parent of a baby girl, and just look-
isn't she just so damn cute! Based on our remote test results, your beautiful
baby girl will weigh about 6 lbs, 10 oz and have blonde hair and gray eyes.
Truly a Wonder To Behold!

Oh come now, you couldn't truly think I'd proclaim pregnancy is such an unmomentous (my own personal made up word) way!

Saturday, August 4, 2007

This needed to be highlighted

One of the ladies on my message board has this in her sig and I love it. Major props to her for putting it there:

*Don't complain about being pregnant, just be happy that you are*

Thursday, August 2, 2007

Yeah, I suck

I haven't updated my blog in a week and a day. Mea culpa and all that jazz.

I'm a much happier girl than the last time I posted. Despite some insanity at my job, I've been able to fulfill all the BD requirements this cycle. And I've been taking my supplements 2-3 times a day like a good little obsessive compsulsive TTCer.

I'm currently taking:
  • Prenatal Vitamins
  • Robitussin
  • Royal Jelly
  • B Complex

My only issue is, what if I don't get pregnant this cycle? I don't know what else to do, what to add to my regimine next cycle to increase my chances. Yes, yes I know, I should leave well enough alone and "just relax" (FTR, anyone TTC hates that phrase. Please refrain from giving it as advice), but I want to be a mommy!

I'm a planner and, almost as much as the possibility of not being pregnant, I dislike not knowing what I am doing next. I have a close friend who is incredibly wise in herbal fertility aides, perhaps I can hit her up for advice if this doesn't work.

Ugh, I hate the unknown.