Five weeks

So this is what five weeks feels like. I think I like it :-)

I really have no symptoms. I get slightly nauseated if I don't eat for a long period of time (like 6 hours), but no morning sickness yet. The only thing I really notice is the complete and total exhaustion. I am tired all the time and can't ever feel rested enough. I also have some dreams, not good or bad, just weird and very, very vivid..

Tomorrow's the big day

I opted to stay home from work sick today. I was sick all last night (which I just found out could be a side effects of the progesterone) and just couldn't bring myself to go to work today. Normally, I would go to work no matter what. I have been known to go to work after spending the entire night throwing up and running to the toilet for other reasons, but things are different this time, I have to think about the fact I am pregnant. It's not just my body anymore, it's an incubator, a sanctuary, a green house if you will for the next 35w6d.

And tomorrow is the big day. If I can make it through tomorrow with a dark HPT (still getting dark HPTs with less sensitive tests, woohoo) and no spotting, I will be farther along than I was last time. When I had my miscarriage, I began spotting at 15dpo and didn't get any dark positive HPTs.

I feel more positive about this pregnancy. I feel more comfortable with it. I think I am going to make it :-D

Only getting better

My doctor didn't order a beta, so I decided to self-monitor my betas with HPTs. And I have not been disappointed. I never had this dark of a line with my last pregnancy, they actually only got lighter. I think this bean is gonna stick around for a while.

I'm now 4 weeks pregnant. What will become my child is now considered an embryo.

Husband leaned over to me last night and whispered, "I am starting to get excited." I have to agree with those sentiments.

Okay, I believe it.

I am pregnant. I am cautiously happy right now. A call to the doctor's office yielded... nothing. I explained to the unfriendly receptionist that Dr. McDreamy thought I had a low progesterone issue and, thus put me on Clomid. I went on to explain that I just got a positive home pregnancy test and because of a questionable low progesterone issue, I was wondering if he'd want to check my progesterone.

She informed me that he is out of the office for the afternoon and would not be getting back to me until tomorrow afternoon when he returned.

My question (which I didn't bother mentioning to the unfriendly one): If a patient who has had a history of a miscarriage and possibly has low progesterone calls stating she has a positive pregnancy test, wouldn't you try to get some info on this sooner than the next afternoon???

Irregardless of her, I am much calmer in this pregnancy. I feel more secure in it. The fact my HPTs are getting darker is adding to this newfound confidence.

Here is to a confortable, happy 36 weeks of pregnancy.

I think...

I am pregnant.

I think the test is positive.

I think I am excited.

I think I am scared out of my mind.

Friday Five - Late again!

1. Do you ever wonder if the way you see things visually aren't how other people see them?
I know I see people (sometimes even visually) much different than most people. I think that I sometimes find beauty in things most people find weird.

2. What kind of sounds are the most annoying?
Clicking teeth, smacking lips, open-mouthed gum chewing

3. When walking through a store, do you shop with your hands by touching/feeling the texture of things?
Having a grandmother who was blind my entire life and working in the field I do, I tend to rely on touch a lot. And I refuse to buy any blanket that is not pleasing both aesthetically and to feel.

4. If you could only smell three scents for the rest of your life, what would they be?
Clean linen, Husband's cologne, babies

5. What sorts of things do you savor when eating them?
Cheesecake and good, expensive chocolate

I've become rather chatty lately

Considering the fact I've only made five posts this entire year (and we're halfway into February), but I feel the need to blog.

It just sucks that I am not pregnant. And it sucks that I have the label of being under infertility treatment.

I know, I will appreciate my kids more than people who easily get pregnant, but I really am having a hard time dealing with that right now.

All I keep thinking is, "This freaking sucks!!!"

Friday Five, a day late

1. Do you consider yourself to be a good housekeeper? Why or why not?
Yeah, I think so. My house is pretty much always presentable. Not spotless, but presentable.

2. Are there any household chores that you enjoy doing? If so, what and why?
I love to vacuum. I feel like I am really accomplishing something and I love the way my living room looks when I am done.

3. Which household chore frustrates/angers you the most?
Laundry. I hate, hate, hate laundry.

4. When doing household chores, what do you do to make them seem less of a "chore"?
Play music and dance. I love dancing!

5. Which chore do you find yourself doing most often, and why?
Laundry and vacuuming. Laundry... well I don't know why I am always doing laundry, there is only Husband and I in the house. And vacuuming is thanks to the lovely little furbaby that graces our home (and sheds like a maniac).

Roller Coaster Time Again!!

So I've had my fourth failed cycle since I lost Lucas, but it finally brought forth a diagnosis.


My miscarriage in conjunction with my charts (the low temps, so-so thermal shifts and short LPs) points to a low progesterone issue. I'm not happy to know there is something wrong with me (okay, we all knew there is more than one thing wrong with me ;) ), but I am thrilled to know that there is action being taken.

I felt helpless when I laid on the couch bleeding, losing my son. I knew I was losing him, but I couldn't do anything to stop it. I sobbed uncontrollably and began to hate myself for failing so miserably.

I know this may not be the complete answer. I know there will be some nerve-wracking times to come. I know this may not be the magical solution, but it's hope. It's a step in the right direction and it's giving me a reason to try to trust my body again.

So with a renewed hope, I took 50mg of Clomid on cycle days 3 - 7 and am now feeling the severe tell-tale ovulation pains. And when I say pain I mean PAIN. Holy cow I feel like my right ovary is going to pop out of my body. And that left one is twinging as well. Don't care, just give me a baby for it. :-D