Wow, just, wow

Warning, if you're sensitive and emotional, please don't view this video.

There is a brief mention of abortion, not in the song, but on a card in the video. I'm not making a political debate about abortion with this, the rest of the song and video are amazingly moving regardless of your stance on this issue.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqfGqOx2iDQ

Yay for new stuff

It's amazing how happy new stuff can make me.

Today is the first day of a semi-vacation from work (we wound up adding two work days that we were supposed to have off because our patient load is just too heavy). I fulfilled my duty to mankind by doing my biweekly apheresis donation, my contribution to making the world a better place and helping those in need.

Afterwards heralded a trip to the store to get that most sought after instrument known as the Basal Body Thermometer. And I was especially ecstatic to find one that saved my last temp (in case my mind can't process the theory of writing things down at 5:30am), had an LCD light in it AND was less than I was planning to pay for it. Yay me. Oh and a brand spankin' new box of thermometer covers also cost less than what I was planning on paying for it.

In addition to the thermometer, I finally found the square cream-colored candles I had been searching for to complete my coffee table centerpiece and bought a new journal. Mmmm add some caffeine and I'd be in ecstasy.

Recooperating

I was a little surprised at how deeply I took the unfavorable outcome of my last cycle (which was my first cy TTC, so I am trying to keep my perspective).

At first it was just mild disappointment. In the "oh well, the odds aren't with me and there is always next month" kind of way.

But some things have been happening in my life lately. Things I really can't post on a blog, but things I have told some close friends about. Since blogs are easily searachable, I don't want this whole ordeal to be found. Suffice it to say there are two people in my life doing something awful and making it impossible to be around them. My "way out" of dealing with this situation would be to achieve this pregnancy. I don't mean I want to get pg just to get out. I want to get pg because I want a baby, I want to be a mother. However, the fact that a pregnancy would have the additional bonus of helping me out of this situation.

So now I have a secondary reason to want this baby. I called Husband yesterday and said, "I hope you're planning on knocking me up this time because this whole thing is getting out of hand."

Not a member of Club A

I'm neither completely surprised nor upset.

I'm disappointed.

Yeah, I'm not one of the "pregnant our first month" people.

Honestly, I'm not super emotional over this. The best word is disappointed. I am not upset that our first month of TTC didn't yield the desired benefit, I'm upset because I want a baby. It's difficult to articulate the deep desire I have for a baby, but it gets deeper daily.

In my usual fashion, however, I will cuddle Peanut until I'm blessed with a little one of my own.

These signs weren't on my driver's exam

I swear, during this nerve-wracking time known as the two week wait, absolutely everything that happens to your body is a sign.

I'm speaking of myself when I make this judgemental statement. Increased urination? I'm pregnant. Feeling gassy? A clearer sign than EPT. Increased appetite? Let's go buy maternity clothes.

I've even begun analyzing every nuance of my body, looking for something out of the ordinary. After all, not every woman has identical pregnancy symptoms. Many have something that is unique to them which signals pregnancy. So the odd vibration sensations in my lower stomach? An obvious sign.

Husband reminded me today of my mom's ability to stop her birth control medicine, declare "I want a baby now" and get pregnant. He also reminded me of the long line of accidental pregnancies in my family.

He thinks our first month may be our last. I would love for him to be right.

How Much Does A Baby Cost?

After entering those words into Google, I found this fantastic link. Such a shame more people haven't broken it down like this in their minds.

Budget Worksheet For Baby

Great, great resource.

In other news: OPK went from a very, very faint line to stark white today. Joy!

Grrrr at...

• OPKs. I am continually getting negative OPKs, but tonight while I was standing at the sink doing dishes, I got a very distinct ovulation pain on my left side. I guess tomorrow's temps will tell me for sure, but I am almost certain I ovulated today, whether or not my OPK agrees.
  
• My brother. As annoyed as I am that my neice is expecting before I am, he promised to send the 3-D, color ultrasound she had done recently. He promised to email it on Saturday. Today is Monday. No email.
  
• The local hospital. For incorrectly billing me for bloodwork. Twice.
  

I'm in an unhappy mood. Promise happier things tomorrow, stay tuned.

A whole new kind of date

When I was dating, I would excitedly mark the the calendar when I had a date planned and stare at the big red circle constantly. Shocking that I treated a date with such obsession, huh?

At this stage in my life, dates means something totally different, but the same obsession still applies. Right now my world revolves around temperatures, ovulation dates, how many days I am past ovulation, implantation dipping and missed periods.

Although I haven't even had a positive OPK yet (and don't get me started on that complaint), I decided to calc a possible due date, for the humor of it all. I'd be due in March. I'm cool with that.

And, interestingly enough, if this and the next cycle follow suit and are exactly like they should be (commence with the laughter... now!), my due date if I get pg next cycle would be my SIL and niece's bday. Lovely.

I knew I loved Dr. Sears for a reason!

Disclaimer: This entire post will sound very self-righteous and judgemental of me. Even moreso than my normal critiques of the parenting styles of BrotherB and SIL. However, this is my blog, my place to complain :-)

A friend of mine asked me the other day if I felt BrotherB was a good influence on Husband. My initial reaction is yes. BB has taught Husband a lot and has been an invaluable source of help numerous times. But something interesting occured after the appearance of Peanut. BB's influence on Husband has become more of a lesson in what not to do than in good parenting techniques. Husband frequently comments that he feels Peanut is more of an accessory for BB & SIL than a child. Sadly, I have to agree.

Unfortunately, Husband doesn't pick up on all the things and now feels that certain ways they parent are the only possible choices. More specifically, he thinks it's impossible to raise a child without a pacifier. When Husband disagrees with me on something, I fall back on my research-a-holic tendencies. We recently went over the cloth diaper vs disposable diaper issue. His inbox was filled with statistics, reports and articles within three hours :-)

So while in search of an article that would highlight the problems with pacifiers and alternatives that soothe as well without adversely affecting breastfeeding, I came across this resource on Dr. Sears' website, in particular, this point:

Times To Pull The Plug:
As habitual substitutes for nurturing. Ideally, pacifiers are for the comfort of babies, not the convenience of parents (but I have yet to meet the ideal parent or the ideal baby and, believe it or not, you probably won't meet any on this site.) To insert the plug and leave baby in the plastic infant seat every time he cries is unhealthy reliance on an artificial comforter. This baby needs picking up and holding. Always relying on an alternative peacemaker lessens the buildup of baby's trust in the parents and denies the parents a chance to develop baby comforting skills. Pacifiers are meant to satisfy intense sucking needs, not to delay or replace nurturing. A person should always be at the other end of a comforting tool. The breast (or the
finger) has the built-in advantage of making sure you don't fall into the habit of just plugging up the source of the cries as a mechanical gesture. When baby cries, if you find yourself, by reflex, reaching for the pacifier instead of reaching for your baby, pull the plug – and lose it.

Husband loves getting emails from me :-)

Okay egg, where might you be hiding?

I'm getting impatient.

Wait, that's not true. To say I am getting impatient implies I was patient to begin with!

I took my very first OPK today and expected to see a faint test line, indicating that, while not yet surging, my LH was on an upward turn. With OPKs a few days before ovulation, you get faint test lines because the LH is building, then the test line becomes darker than the control line when you're actually about to ovulate (about 24-48 hours before ovulation).

Unfortunately, there was not even a tiny, faint line.

Granted I don't trust OPKs implicitly, but still I was hoping to get a little signal saying, "Okay, Krissy, your O date is coming!"

Sigh. If I'm this bad in the ovulation wait, the 2ww is going to be interesting.

That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet

I've begun to think (because I'm not overanalyzing the entire TTC process enough, I need to begin overanalyzing my unconceived child's life) about what my kids will call me.

I decided when Husband and I were first married that my children would call his parents Nonna and Nonno, Italian for Grandma and Grandpa, respectively. My neices call my mom Grams and, if that's her preference, she's more than welcome to have my kids call her that. Basically what my kids call my mom is totally up to her.

Husband wants to be Daddy. He is in love with the title and can't wait to hear it.

Me? No clue. I have a very specific title for my mom and think it would be adorable for my kids to call me the same thing, but it's a title I came by. I can't tell you where I got it, I can't tell you when it started, but I began calling her it a very, very long time ago and have ever since. Interestingly enough, although not prompted or suggested that I call her it, my mother adores the nickname.

I'm not married to one specific title and I think it will be interesting how I address myself and how, eventually, my child addresses me.

As long as it's not a word I'd be embarrassed to have them call out loudly in the grocery and as long as they don't call me by my first name (a huge pet peeve of mine), I'll just be thankful to be their parent.

In my very best Chandler Bing voice...

Could AF be any longer? Honestly, she's hanging out forever. Am currently on CD7 and still spotting.

Time is going incredibly slow.

Upsides though:

Husband, who is not a reader (shocking that I married the guy, I love to read) has actually agreed to read some books about fatherhood and parenting. Because of our faith and the parenting philosophies that I plan to use, I purchased some books by Dr. Sears the other day and Husband has been actively reading them with no prompting from me.

When AF began, Husband said, "As upset as I am that your at that time, for obvious reasons, I am also thrilled. This means it's really beginning."

Retail therapy, especially that in which I get good deals, does wonders for my disposition. Saturday I bought a whole bunch of summer clothes at Kohl's for the whopping total of $25.84 (five shorts for me, one shirt for Husband). The shopping spree then spilled over to Target, where I picked up three pairs of shorts and a pair of capris for another $25.00.

Go me!