I was a little surprised at how deeply I took the unfavorable outcome of my last cycle (which was my first cy TTC, so I am trying to keep my perspective).
At first it was just mild disappointment. In the "oh well, the odds aren't with me and there is always next month" kind of way.
But some things have been happening in my life lately. Things I really can't post on a blog, but things I have told some close friends about. Since blogs are easily searachable, I don't want this whole ordeal to be found. Suffice it to say there are two people in my life doing something awful and making it impossible to be around them. My "way out" of dealing with this situation would be to achieve this pregnancy. I don't mean I want to get pg just to get out. I want to get pg because I want a baby, I want to be a mother. However, the fact that a pregnancy would have the additional bonus of helping me out of this situation.
So now I have a secondary reason to want this baby. I called Husband yesterday and said, "I hope you're planning on knocking me up this time because this whole thing is getting out of hand."