9 weeks

I can hardly believe I'm typing that.

I don't feel I belong here. I post on my DIO board and on another pregnancy board, but I feel disconnected. I can't be a joyful, happy expectant mother. Too much has happened. Too much pain led me here.

I think my appointment Monday will do much in calming me. The almost complete lack of morning sickness has really messed with my head. As soon as we get that beautiful little heartbeat on the doppler, I'll breath a big sigh of relief. I don't know that I'll be able to completely relax, but I know I'll feel so much better.

My goal for the next few days is to write down the questions I want to ask at my appointment. I am terrible at remembering (especially now) things like that and this is extremely important. I also want to write a reminder to myself to discuss delivery with the doctor, specifically the fact that I want him to deliver my baby. Not his partner. Not some random doc on call. Him. My Dr. McDreamy. :-)

I gotta say, seeing that ultrasound (which I admit to looking at everyday) does help the disconnected feeling. Looking at that has made me fall so deeply in love with Peanut.