Saturday, July 14, 2007

Not so much now

I truly was hopeful at the beginning of the cycle. Moreso when I noticed some favorable changes in my chart.

But now I've been analyzing my chart. Okay, the correct word would be "0ver-analyzing". Based on my chart, based on what I'm seeing, I don't think it's the cycle. My temps are way too low to indicate a successful cycle.

Even my logical side is conflicted, though. As I look at my chart and note the low temps, I also remind myself that I am currently only 8dpo. Ruling myself out at this point is not only premature, but opening myself up to unnecessary heartache. Wait until the unfortunate arrival of AF or a negative test before becoming upset.

I'm trying not to fall into that familiar pit of despair I went to everytime over the past two years I realized we had to prolong trying for a baby for one reason or another. I've wanted a baby for so long, having to delay TTC hurt me a little more each time. Now, facing the reality of a BFN, even if it is only in my second month, hurts even worse.

All props to women who suffer years of infertility. Two cycles and my heart is aching, you all have my deepest respect.

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