I am doing so much better than I was on Thursday. I had to tell a bunch of people today that I hadn't told yet. That was sooo hard.
Last night I had the opportunity to talk to a friend of mine whom I haven't spoken with in months. She has had several miscarriages and was a great source of information for me. She validated my feelings and even agreed with me about naming the baby and buying something in his memory.
I told her that I have dealt with the pain and disappointment of losing Lucas, but what has been bothering me the most is the fact that no one else will remember him. In ten years probably none of my friends will remember that I had a miscarriage, but I will always mourn my baby. No one will remember the life that wasn't even given a chance.
It saddens me so much that the only heart that grieves for him is mine, the only tears that are cried for him are mine, the only one who mourns what he may have contributed to the world is me.
He deserves more. I feel like I should take out a full-page ad in the paper saying, "The world lost the promise of a new life. You may have never known him, but he had an impact on someone and he will be missed. He may have never taken a breath but he was deeply loved and at least one person will always mourn his loss."
I'm doing better, but I still miss my baby. I don't cry every day, but my heart still mourns. I am coping, but I will never be "over it".
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I can guarantee you that he won't be forgotten. Your grief is obviously much stronger than anyone else's, but you're not alone in your mourning and you won't be alone in your remembrance.
I won't say, "I know." I won't say, "I understand." What I will say is I'm here beside you. I'm sorry that you never got to know him in person. I'm sorry that he didn't get to know what a wonderful mom he had waiting for him. You're the only one who got to know his spirit, but even those of us who weren't blessed with that opportunity will never forget him.
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