Saturday, November 10, 2007

No, no, no

I feel like I want to run around the room, jump up and down on the couch and scream, "No, no, no!!! No, you don't know!"

I received an email from a friend saying how sorry she was that I lost my baby (I've decided to name him and his name is Lucas). At the end of the email she said, "I know how you feel, the pain of not getting pregnant for several months when I was TTC was unbearable."

No!! No you do NOT know how I feel! I have dealt with the pain of not getting pregnant for months and months. I know what that pain is like it is NOT the same thing. You have not had a miscarriage, you do NOT know how I feel.

Do not minimalize my pain. I lost my child. I understand this child was just a vague future possibility to you, but he was real to me. I fell in love with him the moment I knew he was inside of me. There was not a moment that went by that I didn't love him more than I have ever loved another human being. And when I knew I was losing him and there was nothing I could do to stop it I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest.

So, please, do NOT tell me that you know how I feel. There is no possible way you know how I feel right now.

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