9 weeks

I can hardly believe I'm typing that.

I don't feel I belong here. I post on my DIO board and on another pregnancy board, but I feel disconnected. I can't be a joyful, happy expectant mother. Too much has happened. Too much pain led me here.

I think my appointment Monday will do much in calming me. The almost complete lack of morning sickness has really messed with my head. As soon as we get that beautiful little heartbeat on the doppler, I'll breath a big sigh of relief. I don't know that I'll be able to completely relax, but I know I'll feel so much better.

My goal for the next few days is to write down the questions I want to ask at my appointment. I am terrible at remembering (especially now) things like that and this is extremely important. I also want to write a reminder to myself to discuss delivery with the doctor, specifically the fact that I want him to deliver my baby. Not his partner. Not some random doc on call. Him. My Dr. McDreamy. :-)

I gotta say, seeing that ultrasound (which I admit to looking at everyday) does help the disconnected feeling. Looking at that has made me fall so deeply in love with Peanut.

Can it really be that long already?

Today while I was picking up my new glasses, I stopped at Vitamin World and picked up some Vitex. I'm excited to start it and it's really made me more optimistic about this cycle. I don't know why something so simple has me so happy, but whatever keeps me out of the pit that I easily fall in to following a failed cycle is a good thing.

After I came home with my newly acquired Vitex, I decided to chronicle what supplements I've used on my TTC journey, cycle by cycle, on my FF chart homepage. It was then that I realized just how long we've been TTC

Cycle #1 (5/2/07): Prenatal Vitamins, B Complex
Cycle #2 (5/29/07): Prenatal Vitamins, B Complex
Cycle #3 (6/23/07): Prenatal Vitamins, B Complex, OPKs
Cycle #4 (7/19/07): Prenatal Vitamins, B Complex, Royal Jelly, OPKs
Cycle #5 (8/15/07): Prenatal Vitamins, B Complex, Royal Jelly, Vitex, OPKs

Yep, this is my fifth cycle. Color me shocked.

I've officially decided I've been TTC for long enough, I'd like my BFP now, please.

This needed to be highlighted

One of the ladies on my message board has this in her sig and I love it. Major props to her for putting it there:

*Don't complain about being pregnant, just be happy that you are*